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Don't lose yourself

Another link I found whilst doing my homework on having doubts about my last relationship.

My ex was very big on dramatic statements like “You’re my world” and “You belong to me” At the time it sounded like what I wanted to hear. I was looking to mean the world to him, to be loved and accepted. I didn’t realise the emotional implications, until I felt bound to him and unable to breathe. Not tangled up in love, but suffocated by emotional enmeshment.

“Don’t leave me, everyone leaves”

He’d say, following conflict. Often in tears, always remorseful. Seeking hugs, wanting to lay his head on my chest and have me stroke his hair.

How could I go?

When the initial flames of my temper cooled, the fire of his words lost their heat I’d feel better for comforting him. I thought this made me a good person…Reading back over this article, now I’m not so sure. Was I seeking to control him through his feelings for me? Probably best to dismiss the whole relationship as unhealthy and move on.

In the end, I didn’t jump. I was pushed. It hurt like hell when I landed, but wounds heal.

I genuinely hope my ex-partner is getting the help he needs and deserves. But in light of his abuse, I decided our lives would take separate paths some time ago. Improving my own life and living well is now my priority. That isn’t going to change.


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