I’ve not posted for two days, as I’d been giving some thought to this entry. I wanted to make sure I worded it carefully…Recent feedback suggests my tone can sound a bit preachy. The last thing I want to do is give anyone a lecture…I’ve made too many mistakes in my own life to ever tell anyone else how to live theirs! My only aim is to tell you about my own experiences and attempt to help others. I hope that writing what did and didn’t work may give those in a similar situation some insight.
Since ending my relationship 2 months ago and reporting my ex-partner’s abuse to the police, I’ve certainly found out who my friends are. Some of these revelations came as a surprise and others were no big shock. I still believe that everyone is capable of good and bad, that we are all prone to taking sides based on the information we are given and that loyalty can be blind.
I’ve found that I have some amazing, supportive friends who stuck resolutely by my side. Not all my blood family in Wales and my friendship family know one and other, but they pulled together so I didn’t have to face the situation on my own. I had days where I felt I so strong I could take down the world with my bare hands. Others, I was too frightened to leave the house. Through all of these, they were at my side when I needed them. I knew they were also thinking of me when I needed to be on my own. I am grateful to all of those who love and care about me and would return the favour without hesitation.
I’ve also discovered that certain people I considered acquaintances (some bordering on fair-weather friends) have disappeared or turned against me. I’ve been snubbed in the street and found my number of “friends” on social media has dwindled. Neither of which particularly upsets me…I consider the mark of a true friend is being able to question any decisions they don’t agree with to my face. Not everyone can be bothered to do this. Some people aren’t capable of it. These are the ones who save me the bother of finding out for myself. We all have the right to vote with our feet.
When a different relationship ended a few years ago, I remember being saddened and offended when “mutual” friends sided with my ex. I felt abandoned and let down. Since then, I’ve done a lot of thinking about friendships and how loyalties fall when shit hits the fan. I’ve come to one main conclusion: Sometimes people are tolerated for the sake of others. We all do it, it’s not necessarily a bad or false way to behave. What’s the sense in upsetting friends or being outwardly rude to people? It’s yet another reason why we shouldn’t cut ourselves off from friends when we get into a relationship.
When I was in my teens, my Mum gave me some advice…
“Never change for anyone, you may end up forgetting who you were if you split up”
It kinda went in one ear and out the other at the time…I was fourteen and frequently had my head up my arse over boys. Only over the years did it start to make sense. I’m determined to heed her words in the future.
Further to this, two days ago I learned that I’ve been barred from two pubs in the city centre. One of which is run by my ex-partner’s best mate and another frequented by his housemate.For once, I was happy to find this out through hearsay…I’m sure the people who run these fine establishments would have relished the drama of seeing me walk in so that they could cuss me out and send me on my way. Liven the place up no end!
Your average barfly loves a good pub row…And would no doubt be hoping for pints hurled across the bar and fisticuffs as a bonus. There’s safety in numbers, after all. Nothing like a good old bar full of boozers against one villain of the peace. Images of Moe and his flaming-torch carrying angry mob from The Simpsons spring to mind. Plus monkeys throwing excrement for good measure. My brain is fun like that!
This aside, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have felt comfortable in either drinking palace anyway. Some may call that cowardice, others will see it for what it is…Looking after my own interests. Why exactly would I want to waste my time and money somewhere I wasn’t welcome and didn’t want to be?
Contrary to what these people clearly believe, I do not deliberately set out to cause trouble, seek out conflict or take great delight in antagonising people. It seems my main crime is not putting up with being treated like shit in relationships – and seeking justice when things get criminal. As far as I am concerned, friends ought to back each other up. It’s in the job description. However, there’s a lot of truth in the old chestnut like attracts like. Staying friends with bigots, bullies or abusers means you condone their actions. People happy to put this out to the world have no place in my life.
With this in mind, am going to take the day in my hands and haul ass to the gym. I woke up thinking “Gym or swim”…Gym is winning as I don’t have any goggles and hate getting water in my eyes. If I’m gonna be marginalised by the movers and shakers of the local alternative scene, I may as well look damn spanky in the process!
Have a fabulous weekend, one and all. Even the delightful few I referred to above…I don’t really care as I’ll be busy having one of my own.